(Or how to deal when your kid has the upper hand)

Quinn in 2020, aged 16 and still strong willed

The Fight to End All Fights

Picture me in 2013: I was a 37 year old married mother of two, and my younger son Quinn, who is medically complicated, pretty high needs, and developmentally delayed, was 9. It was the middle of the day, he and I were in his bedroom, in a fight, and I was losing. Badly.

The names he was calling me were getting worse, “CUNT!” he screamed at me, and then laaaaaughed. I was getting more and more angry, while he seemingly found it entertaining. …

Are you nailing yourself to that cross?

Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash

“Why doesn’t she date him?” My boyfriend asked as we watched the man hosting our friend’s birthday party drive the kids around in a wagon pulled behind his atv in his giant, fully equipped, beautiful backyard.

“I dunno, too nice?” I replied.

By the end of the night, my bf knew what I meant.

Our host was sitting with his back to the fire he had built and maintained all night, because his back was killing him.

You think “killing him” is an exaggeration, but here’s why I think it’s not…

In a follow up conversation with my girlfriend I mentioned that I noticed her friend did not let his back pain slow him…

… but what does it mean?

photo by author

I love telling people I am an Existential Kink Coach.

They generally have no idea what I’m talking about and think it has something to do with sex.

Their curiosity is aroused.

How do I explain myself?

I ask them if they have situations in their lives that they Don’t Like that they come up against, repeatedly.

The answer is, inevitably, yes. That’s the “existential” part.

Existence is like that.

The Secret:

There’s a part of us that kinda wants that “Don’t Like” situation that keeps coming up. There’s something we are getting out of it, if it repeats.

That’s the “kink” part… we actually like the habitual beating that life is giving us, in some small…

What does it look like?

Photo by guille pozzi on Unsplash

Ok, I’ll admit it.

I used the popular catchphrase “self-care” to get your attention.

The first thing I want to do is throw the phrase out the window. It has become conflated with things like Epsom salt baths, meditation, and spa days, and it now reeks of white privilege. In my opinion.

Self-love then?

That one makes me wanna hurl too. So many conditions attached to love, most of the time. Leaves too much room for your subconscious to convince you that you don’t deserve it. Also affected by white privilege.

So, Word Police, what’ll it be then?

Self-responsibility, I guess.

After all, that’s our job as parents, isn’t…

Photo of candle, crystal ball, and incense by Tara Plas.
Photo by Tara Plas

The process of magic can look infinitely different, but it works like this:

  • The Magician decides what they want and how to ask for it.
  • The Magician performs some sort of spell or ritual, which can be as simple as a passing thought, or more complicated than you can possibly imagine. The parts of the ritual may draw more energy to the spell, or the energy may be provided by the Magician alone. How much energy they have cultivated in their lifetime(s) affects the strength of their magic.

The result of the ask is dependent on the state and force…

Tara Plas

Certified Existential Kink coach. Shadow dancer. Magical person. Parent. Non-binary, neuro-divergent weirdo with opinions.

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